The narcissistic leader in the office

Not are derailments are the fault of the executive. An important part of the diagnosis is to determine if there is a narcissistic leader in the mix.

Bill (real story, not his real name) was a client who struggled with getting promoted. Bill was a very smart, highly analytical, and ambitious individual who did not take no for an answer. Yet Bill could be perceived as cold and distant because of his tendency to be more introverted than extraverted. Bill also came from a home where he was not acknowledged for speaking. In fact, in his home there was the rule of silence. The dictate when he was growing up was that “children are to be seen but not heard.” Remarkably, Bill overcame his background and was able to move up as a financial person.

The real problem was Bill had a boss named Wendy who epitomized the narcissistic leader. These narcissistic leaders seek to admired and aggressively pursue their goals. They are independent and aggressive and can be constantly looking for enemies and will, under extreme stress “degenerate into paranoia” (for a detailed look into this subject please see the article “Narcisstic Leaders-The Incredible Pros, The Inevitable Cons,” by Michael Maccoby, Harvard Business Review, 1999).

Narcissistic leaders can have scores of followers and a great vision. On the flip side, they can also be sensitive to criticism and poor listeners and have a lack of empathy. They do not make good mentors.

Wendy only did what was in Wendy’s best interest. In fact, Wendy spent a great deal of time coordinating meetings. She even coordinated a strategic planning meeting one month after the initial strategic planning meeting. She brought people from all over the world to attend. The result was that most people during the second meeting were bored and kept wondering why they were attending.

The answer was that Wendy needed an audience. As a true narcissist, Wendy needed attention. She craved the accolades and the reminders of what a wonderful boss and person she was. The result was her leadership capital and respect suffered. Yet, Wendy was adept and talented at managing up. She managed her “Executive Brand” with her superiors with aplomb and applause.

Bill came to realize that Wendy could get away with her behavior because of the superior numbers her business unit was generating (in business, exceeding one’s financial goals can cover a multitude of sins).

Wendy had promised Bill a promotion. While Wendy did recommend Bill be promoted, because of a corporate snag with the final signature he did not get his promotion. His derailment was almost what would be considered “derailment by proxy.” This means that the organization dynamics caused the derailment, not Bill’s behavior.

Once this happened, Wendy was embarrassed. She then promised Bill to help him find another position. Instead of helping Bill, Wendy turned on him. One day Bill was seen as promotable, and the next day he was seen as a question mark when it came to his contribution to the organization.

How to get a life scineces executive to change

For derailed executives there is a useful theory called the Stages of Change Model about the mind/body stages we go through when we do change. The Stages of Change Model was originally developed in the late 1970s by James Prochaska and Carlo DiClemente at the University of Rhode Island when they were studying how smokers were able to give up their habits. According to the model there are a number of steps: precontemplation to contemplation to determination.

The idea behind the change model is that behavior change does not happen in one step. Rather, people tend to progress through different stages on their way to successful change. You first say to yourself, “Well, I don’t have a problem. And if I don’t have a problem, I don’t need a solution.” Then you get information feedback and data, such as complaints, and you begin to say, “Maybe there is a problem.” So you start to contemplate that there is a problem. If you get even more strong data and a coach comes in, then you have to go from contemplation to determination and decide, “I need to do something about this.”

On one hand it is easy to understand why some derailed executives would reject coaching. Many derailed executives don’t understand why they should change because the company has promoted them three or four times for being the way they are.

Some derailed executives say they can’t change and reject coaching from an outside coach or their manager. But why? First, let’s tackle that word can’t. To my thinking here’s no such thing as “can’t.” There’s either “I won’t do it” or “I don’t know how to do it.”

In my experience as an executive coach, “can’t” means the person is afraid and just doesn’t know how to change. But even if somebody knows how to change, for them to self-develop and make the change on their own is very difficult. We all need feedback, and we all need support and encouragement. Unless we know what we did and what we need to do and somebody teaches us how to do it, we can’t improve.

How to change a Scrooge or a Darth Vader boss

Films and television shows often have a character that can only be called a toxic boss. For a mental picture, think of Scrooge in “The Christmas Carol” or Darth Vader in “Star Wars.”

Obviously, audiences can relate to this portrait of the boss as ogre. As an executive coach, I have been called in to detoxify many a boss.

The good news I have to share is that although their plight is the extreme, my experience is that with proper coaching at least 8 out of 10 toxic bosses in the life sciences industry can make a comeback. Which is good news for all those Scrooges and Darth Vaders out there and the companies who employ them.

So, why can 80 percent of toxic bosses be saved?

Because these are individuals who are extremely successful. Many of these executives could be compared to an elite athlete. They are highly skilled, talented, and energetic. They have passion for what they do and love the companies they're working for. They feel a sense pride in their work, have an insatiable curiosity, and want to learn more.

Unfortunately, many of them have never had coaching or any sort of leadership development. They were put into a leadership role because they were good at a technical task, and they've always wanted someone to sit down with them and mentor them. As a result, many of them are ripe to learn some of these skills.


The point is this: We should not think of toxic bosses as incompetents. Rather, think of them as star athletes who need to rehab and make a comeback. What is needed is a radical intervention (coaching, not surgery) to rehabilitate the derailed executive. The productivity gains for the company make it well worth the effort.

Time won't solve derailed executives

Ah, those lazy, hazy days of summer. Maybe if we just give a derailed life sciences executive some time, it will all work itself out.

Wrong. Time won't solve the problem.

That was the case with Larry, a big guy with a gruff, gruff exterior. Larry was good at alienating people and creating the impression they knew nothing he knew everything about his area of specialization. Despite repeated warnings from senior executives, Larry was not changing.

In organizations, there are many ways to communicate symbolically. There are ceremonies, awards, logos, icons, contests and oft-told stories. And there are real-life leadership behaviors that “speak” volumes.

My showing up, an executive coach, created two pieces of symbolic communications for Larry. One, he didn’t believe his job was threatened until an outsider showed up. I was not afraid to confront him and tell him that he was inches away from being shown the door. The other message he got from my presence was the company was willing to make investment in him to be a more effective leader, so he had better pay attention. Happily, in Larry’s case, he did pay attention and lost the negativity.

High level execs need honest feedback

Feedback helps a life sciences executive find their way.

But the feedback a high level executive receives is so sanitized because of the politics it is of scant value. So many times executives, when they do finally get this level of feedback that they're potentially derailing, they're very surprised. And some of the comments are, "Well why wasn't I told this before?" And part of that is the fear of telling the boss there's a problem.

One of the cardinal mistakes for the manager is canceling a feedback meeting. Do not cancel the session. If you have to, make sure you reschedule it for the same day. Here’s why. The first time you cancel, the person says, "See they didn't really believe in this stuff anyways." This is also called symbolic communication. By saying one thing (scheduling a meeting), but then doing another thing (canceling the meeting) you've conveyed that the meeting is not really important.

Of course, it is human nature that people don’t want to give other people bad news. That is why there are expressions like, “Don’t shoot the messenger.” Deep down people want to be seen as likable, the nice guy or gal. Because they want to be nice, giving people negative, but necessary, feedback is the hardest thing for them to do.

In the words of Dr. Marshall Goldsmith, the author of 19 books on leadership, “All other things being equal, your people skills (or lack thereof) become more pronounced the higher up you go. In fact, even when things are not equal, your people skills often make the difference in determining how high you go” (“behave Yourself,” Talent Management Magazine, July 2007).

The classic example I talk about in my book The Prodigal Executive is the senior executive who gave performance appraisals in the restroom. This manager would see the employee in the restroom and hand the person a folder with things they're doing well and not well.

Regardless of the reason, if you are a manager and you don't give somebody in your organization negative feedback, it borders on being unethical. You're carrying information the employee needs to know for their career survival. If that person doesn't succeed but could have if they had the information, then you as their manager have set them up for failure.

The problem for executives is that the higher up the organizational ladder you climb, the less feedback you get.

World Cup Musings on Executive Coaching

Many life sciences executives have made turnarounds thanks to executive coaches. But not every one likes to take advice from a coach.

Coaches have been in the headlines during the 2010 FIFA World Cup. British newspapers have savaged England's World Cup squad and called upon coach Fabio Capello to quit after elimination by a humiliating 4-1 defeat to Germany.

The loss in South Africa was marked by a refereeing mistake that denied England's Frank Lampard a goal, sparking fresh calls for goal-line technology or video replays. But the papers' anger was mainly directed at the coach, Capello.

Meanwhile France, a world soccer powerhouse, was eliminated from the World Cup this year in the first round, scoring only one goal in three games. The French ejection from a tournament they won in 1998 followed an apparent collapse in relations between coach Raymond Domenech and his players. Domenech left team captain Patrice Evra out of the final match and the team refused to practice just days before it.

Like the French players, some derailed executives, reject coaching. But why?

In my book, The Prodigal Executive, I tackle that word can’t. To my thinking here’s no such thing as “can’t.” There’s either “I won’t do it” or “I don’t know how to do it.”

In my experience as an executive coach, “can’t” means the person is afraid and just doesn’t know how to change. But even if somebody knows how to change, for them to self-develop and make the change on their own is very difficult. We all need feedback, and we all need support and encouragement. Unless we know what we did and what we need to do and somebody teaches us how to do it, we can’t improve.

People don’t really self-develop. To illustrate, every World Cup soccer team practices. At every practice there are four cameras set up on stilts that are recording the action. The players are improving by constantly looking at film afterwards with the coaches. Together they look at what they did in a situation and discuss what they should have done differently. In addition there are also coaches at the practice giving the players ongoing feedback on how to improve. If the team doesn’t provide that kind of coaching, players won’t know what to change, and they won’t be inspired to do it.

Teams like Brazil and Germany have won many World Cups. So the question is: “Why are they practicing? They know how to play soccer.” The answer of course is that there is so much at stake they want to rehearse and go over the plays. Likewise, there is so much at stake for these derailed executives. They need to run the plays when it’s not in a game situation. Where else can they do that but with a coach who can give them feedback?

How is your management bedside manner?

In coaching a derailing manager, before you can prescribe exercises to change behaviors, you need to make a diagnosis identifying the nature or cause of the real malady. Here the term truly means “knowledge through and through.” The more information you get the better.

But don’t think that taking time to do the important work of assessing does not mean you are not doing the urgent work of coaching. Even when you are making the assessment, you are beginning the coaching process. This is much like when you go to the doctor you feel better even before a prescribe treatment. Why? Because you know you are doing something to solve the problem.

One part of the assessment is to determine if the person is actually coachable. That requires some coaching to begin with. So give them something to work on and see if you get some traction on positive change. This will provide another data point. Typically a lack of traction means the person may not want to change.

So how is your bedside manner? Like a physician, one aspect of being a coach is to provide the results of the lab work (assessments) in a way that is motivating to the derailed executive. Giving feedback is both an art and science. The art is that the style, tone, and personality of the words need to fit the personality of the person. If not, the information can be experienced as harsh and hurtful. Instead, you want to present the information in a way that will engage the person you are coaching.

Another aspect is that when the facts are stated in a way that is not acceptable, the derailed executive is apt to become defensive and has a greater chance of rationalizing the information away. When you give feedback, remember the derailed executive needs to feel supported and not attacked. This will also be important so the information will help the person see their behavior from a different perspective.